breaker
Search

Search - For a payment of week's supply of canned goods I will travel to your old home (within 60 miles) and retrieve up to 50lbs of family heirlooms, prized possessions, or important documents. You must give a detailed description of the items. On top of the payment I will also get to keep anything that I find that you have not listed for retrieval. That is non negotiable.

Kill Friends

Free a Friend - Has one of your loved ones turned? The truth might be hard to hear but once you've become a zombie you are sentenced to forever torment on this Earth. For a small fee of gasoline and tools I will track down your loved one and free them of their hellish pain. I will return with a memento for you to remember them by so you know they are in a better place.

Kill Enemies

Kill an Enemy - Have you ever wanted to bash in the skull of your old boss? Does your zombie ex-wife need a shovel to her face? For a fee of medical supplies I will track them down and bring them back so you can finish them off or I can kill them on the spot and bring back a souvenir for you. *DISCLAIMER* This service is only offered for the undead.

If I Turn

Zombie Guarantee - I offer a 100% satisfaction with all the services I offer and if you find the same service for cheaper I will match their price and beat it by 10%. Also, if I ever turn into a walker I give you a lifetime guarantee that I will not hunt you down and kill you. I also give you full permission to kill me with no repercussions in this life or the next. That is the quality job that I offer.

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